When bilingualism becomes no-lingualism

"Dude, are you smoked?"

In English, I was trying to ask if he was high -- you know if he was puffin' the herb -- and it came out different. Probably because in Spanish I would ask, "¿Tio, estás fumado?" which literally means smoked. I guess it sounds cool in English regardless, but the point is: I fucked up in my native language.


Don't be fooled. That ain't the first nor the last time that has happened. I say stupid stuff in my native language all the time now. I'd like to tell you that's because I'm excelling in my second language. But that ain't the truth neither.

I value my words -- on paper and in conversation -- so much that it pains me to say something I know isn't correct. In Pamplona, I'm constantly switching back and forth between two languages. I use Spanish to survive, and I use English to teach, or get a fuckin' point across to my beau. This kind of linguistic adaptation results in both languages suffering. Man, even that sentence doesn't really make any sense does it?

Let me give you an example. One of my students is of elementary school age. We talk about things like the difference between mammals and reptiles, or the process of photosynthesis. After an hour of speaking in English, his mother usually approaches me with my payment and some small talk. This is where my head starts to spin.

I can follow her just fine. We're talking about the weather, then Easter break, and finally classes during the summer. I try to say something insightful and persuasive like: "Summer is a great time for English classes because we can take it easy. Without school and homework, an hour a week of English doesn't seem like a big deal. Our classes would be fun and relaxed!"

Instead this, roughly translated, is what comes out: "Summer is a good time for classes, because you can take advantage of the lack of homework. In the summer, classes don't...relaxed."

By the end of my rambling, the mom understands what I'm trying to say and probably finishes my sentence for me. Maybe she understands that after talking about chlorophyll and carbon dioxide for an hour, my Spanish might sound a little rusty. Or maybe she just thinks I'm a big ol' dummy.

So while my English deteriorates, my Spanish slowly improves. I'm certainly not struggling to understand, and I'm less hesitant in conversation. But I wanna sound eloquent and I end up sounding like...well...a goddamn foreigner.

I WANT SPEAK SPANISH GOOD.